September 21st to December 17th - My Ex-Husband Died This Morning - Of Cancer, Of Course

 

In Remembrance of Robert Joseph Hellmann

March 31, 1943 - December 17, 2023

Robert (Bob to me) is my ex-husband and father of my beautiful daughter, Liz. He was diagnosed with bladder cancer and had surgery to remove a tumor in 2018. He was in remission for five years. When it reoccurred, he had surgery to remove a large tumor. Scans indicated that the tumor had invaded the muscle wall. He chose not to treat it aggressively, as treatment would not result in much increased longevity.

As both of us value quality of life, our main prayers were for a peaceful transition. Bob experienced the very definition of a "good death." They signed up for home hospice services, and his wife, Janet, was faithfully at his side. During this past week, it was clear his days were limited. My daughter has given me permission to share some of her Facebook posts from the week.

Bob suffered from severe anemia in his final days.

 

Bob and I "FaceTiming" two days before his death.

Liz and Ian visiting with Grandpa yesterday.

Shortly after Liz and Ian left, Bob suffered a mini-stroke. For the first time, the hospice nurse helped him to his bed where he remained. He experienced some pain this morning but was still able to converse with Janet. By 9:00 am, he had died. I know from our converstation (based on his beliefs) he was looking forward to the trip.

I want to recognize his wife, Janet, who has dealt with every aspect of his care over the past few months. I know Liz is suffering, but also consoled by his relatively pain-free and quick death. All of us will find consolation in this in the days to come.

When the funeral home came for his body, they draped him in the American flag as he had served in Viet Nam in the Infantry. I'm glad for the honor, as the war experience affected him throughout his life.

When my time comes, I'm hoping for an equally peaceful transition. Meanwhile, Bill and I are going to celebrate life and head to Texas by train in the next few days. Hoping for a blessed Christmas for all of us who remain.

Kathy