September 21st to December 17th - My Ex-Husband Died This Morning - Of Cancer, Of Course

 

In Remembrance of Robert Joseph Hellmann

March 31, 1943 - December 17, 2023

Robert (Bob to me) is my ex-husband and father of my beautiful daughter, Liz. He was diagnosed with bladder cancer and had surgery to remove a tumor in 2018. He was in remission for five years. When it reoccurred, he had surgery to remove a large tumor. Scans indicated that the tumor had invaded the muscle wall. He chose not to treat it aggressively, as treatment would not result in much increased longevity.

As both of us value quality of life, our main prayers were for a peaceful transition. Bob experienced the very definition of a "good death." They signed up for home hospice services, and his wife, Janet, was faithfully at his side. During this past week, it was clear his days were limited. My daughter has given me permission to share some of her Facebook posts from the week.

Bob suffered from severe anemia in his final days.

 

Bob and I "FaceTiming" two days before his death.

Liz and Ian visiting with Grandpa yesterday.

Shortly after Liz and Ian left, Bob suffered a mini-stroke. For the first time, the hospice nurse helped him to his bed where he remained. He experienced some pain this morning but was still able to converse with Janet. By 9:00 am, he had died. I know from our converstation (based on his beliefs) he was looking forward to the trip.

I want to recognize his wife, Janet, who has dealt with every aspect of his care over the past few months. I know Liz is suffering, but also consoled by his relatively pain-free and quick death. All of us will find consolation in this in the days to come.

When the funeral home came for his body, they draped him in the American flag as he had served in Viet Nam in the Infantry. I'm glad for the honor, as the war experience affected him throughout his life.

When my time comes, I'm hoping for an equally peaceful transition. Meanwhile, Bill and I are going to celebrate life and head to Texas by train in the next few days. Hoping for a blessed Christmas for all of us who remain.

Kathy

Thomas Dies at Age 52

Grave marker at MacPhelah Cemetery

T. H. Probert died at the young age of 52 on October 9th, 1876. He died of cirrhosis of the liver. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Not only was he involved in the liquor trade from an early age, he lived during a time of incredible stress. What could be more stressful than the Civil War which took place in his early 40s?

In his two marriages, he had fathered nine children, but only four (all girls) survived to be adults -- two from his first marriage with Elizabeth Diamond and two with Kate Richardson. At the time of his death, Addie was 28 and married, Lucy was 24 and married.  Mary Lou aged 10 and Maud aged 5 were, of course, living at home with their mother, Kate.

It had to be hard for Kate. She was a 39-year old widow and mother of two young girls. She had also lost her main source of income. Luckily, she did benefit from her husband's association with the International Order of Odd Fellows whose mission included looking out for the welfare of the widow and children of their members.

Thomas H. Probert, Date of Death, October 9th, 1876

Apparently the informant, most likely Kate, was unaware of the name of either of Thomas' parents. I guess I shouldn't be surprised as she was his second wife, and his father, William, died nearly 40 years before his death. What would happen to his family now?